United Boofheads
by Grimo
Summary: Awesome Characters from Warriors Orochi and Terminator work together or against each other for no particular reason. Many are complete Wally's and don't take things too seriously, and others are having a rough time.
1. First Arrives

Chapter One: First arrives

Gan Ning and Magoichi Saika struggled to get up as they had fallen and landed on their backsides. Gan Ning got up with a kick of his legs while Magoichi was worried for his bum and rubbed it and assured it that it'll be ok.

'ewe,' Gan Ning winged holding his nose. 'what is this stink? Smells like a mixture of sweat and smoke eh?"

Magoichi finally got to his feet then smelt under his armpits. 'Well I can assure you it's not me, I always carry with me some handy dandy deodorant. Want some?'

Gan Ning pulled a face and shook his head. 'That stuffs for sissy's, only for when a guy is trying to impress a girl, and I sure ain't trying to impress no girl, there ain't even girls around ere.'

'I'm not a sissy, I'm just not gay that's all.' Magoichi assured.

'I never called you a sissy mate, I just have no time for women, they'll only get in the way during war times.' Gan Ning suddenly noticed something through the trees. 'Oy mate! what does that look like to you?' Gan Ning pointed between the trees.

Magoichi looked at where Gan Ning was pointing, 'Well, if I'm not mistaken, that looks to me like a wrecked town.'

Gan Ning nods smiling, 'An excellent place to set up camp, let's go!'

'Whoa, whoa,' Magoichi says grabbing Gan Nings' muscular shoulder. 'let's not just go rushing in there. You never know what might jump out at us.'

'Exactly!' Gan Ning piped up. 'That's why we're not going in alone, we can watch each other's back!' Before Magoichi could get another word in, Gan Ning was running towards the town like a complete and utter idiot which matched his personality. Magoichi sighed and ran off after him.

The town was completely torn apart and deserted, Gan Ning and Magoichi checked just in case though, nothing. They found a row of wooden non wrecked small houses of about four and agreed to use them for shelter. They fought over who gets what house, two each in the end, Gan Ning got the two on the left and Magoichi got the two on the right.

'Awesome!' Gan Ning yelled out with joy as he found one of his houses supplied a whole lot of food. 'Sucked in mate! I've got the food, I've got the food, nicky, nicky noo!'

Magoichi came out of one of his houses looking slightly confused. 'Wait, but, I've got the food.' This made Gan Ning also confused. It turned out, there were two food storages. They cried out with joy and started to do some bad Irish dancing until they heard an argument coming from some familiar voices. One was quiet and cold, the other was fast, girly and bubbly.

Hanzo Hattori and Kunoichi were walking up towards Gan Ning and Magoichi. More like, Hanzo was walking towards them to get away from Kunoichi, and Kunoichi was walking towards them by following Hanzo.

'I don't care that you really want to become a pool cleaner," Hanzo snapped at Kunoichi.

'But it'd be awesome Hanzo, it's my lifelong dream to become a pool cleaner.' Kunoichi said dreamily. Hanzo rolled his eyes. 'Oh you are such a miserable guts Hanzo.'

'Looks like it's a bad time for these two,' Magoichi whispered to Gan Ning who nodded while staring at Kunoichi wondering why anyone would really want to become a pool cleaner.


	2. The Terminator Arrives

Chapter Two: The Terminator Arrives

'Hey guys!' Kunoichi waved at Gan Ning and Magoichi who panicked after. 'Do you think I'd make an excellent pool cleaner?'

'Hey kid,' Magoichi said to Kunoichi. 'Why don't you go take a little nap?'

Kunoichi suddenly lost her happy, bubbly self and crossed her arms and didn't look too happy. 'You watch your mouth Mr, I am not a kid, you hear?!'

Anyway, Kunoichi ended up going into one of Magoichi's little houses for a nap, she did look exhausted after all.

'The little brat has been following me.' Hanzo said quietly.

'Huh?' Gan Ning asked looking rather interested. 'Mate you'll have to speak up, can't hear ya!'

Magoichi silenced Gan Ning with a wave of his arm. 'That's alright mate, you can _both_ stay with us, and if she gets too annoying, Gan Ning will sort her out for you.' Hanzo nodded in agreement and him and Magoichi walked off to one of Gan Ning's houses for a drink.

'That's right!' Gan Ning said punching his fist into the palm of his other hand. 'Wait, what?'

It was midnight and Kunoichi was having a rough time sleeping, probably because in two houses over, Gan Ning and Magoichi were drunkly singing their heads off to an Iron Maiden Song, Trooper. She pulled her pillow over her head but it was no use. She decided the best thing to do was to march over there and tell them to shut up.

And Kunoichi did march. But was interrupted by a noise which sounded like a can opening over and over again and louder. Curious, Kunoichi investigated. She walked up to the noise in the opening of the forest. She was scared but it made things worse when she walked straight through a big spiders web and yelped out like an injured puppy. She struggled to get all the web off and spat out the web that was in her mouth.

She suddenly founded something, it was crouching down on its knees and was looking at the ground, it was also beat boxing. Kunoichi giggled which made it look up at her evilly, that was also when Kunoichi realised it was ugly, and one of Orochi's ugly followers, _'YUCK'_ was what she thought.

Realising she was supposed to fight it, Kunoichi got out her Shiranui's, but suddenly out of nowhere the ugly things head got blasted off from a riffle which was handled by a big tough muscular guy who spoke with an Austrian accent.

'You have been terminated.' Was all he said. He then turned to Kunoichi who was still looking shocked at the sight of this guys weapon. 'Sarah Connor?'

'Nope,' Kunoichi said remembering the six shots from the first terminator movie once the lady said yes to that answer.

'Kunoichi then?'

'Got that right,' Kunoichi smiled. 'And your name is? Never mind, I'll just call you Terminator, can't be bothered with all this TX stuff. Wait a minute, what's your mission?'

'To ensure Kunoichi's safety and the victory of humans against Orochi.' Terminator announced.

Kunoichi looked so happy with this. 'Awesome!'


	3. Different World

Chapter Three: Different World

Gan Ning, Magoichi and Hanzo were all asleep on top of each other, it was hard to tell who was snoring or not, guessing Hanzo wasn't. It was obvious they had a hangover, so Kunoichi took great pleasure in climbing onto a table then body flopping on top of them.

'Ah!' The boys all yelled as they woke up with fright. Gan Ning threw a few pillows at Kunoichi along with some swearwords.

Terminator, who was standing in the door way the whole time, decided to copy Kunoichi and climbed onto the table which broke. He then leaped into the air above the boys who all shrieked and jumped out of the way just in time. Terminator landed through the floor face first.

'What, the fuck, is that?!' Gan Ning yelled at Kunoichi furiously. 'You slut! You go out and bring back tough guys with you! You make me puke!'

'Ewe, no,' Kunoichi said trying her best not to laugh. 'That is a Terminator, I call him, well, Terminator. His mission is to ensure Kunoichi's safety and the victory of humans against Orochi.'

'You smell so bad Kotaro! You should be ashamed of yourself, and you should wash!' Came a voice heading towards the house. Hanzo looked outside to find Nene and Kotaro Fuma heading towards them. Nene was furious about how badly Kotaro stank, and Kotaro was irritated by the way Nene was bothering him about his body odour. 'You smell like shit!'

'Hey Nene!' Kunoichi yelled running up to Nene for a hug. 'So glad another girl arrived.'

'And I'm so glad I found another girl,' Nene announced happily. 'And more so glad I found somebody who doesn't stink!' Nene and Kunoichi walked off laughing, followed by Terminator who started laughing apathetically.

'Bad day?' Magoichi asked Kotaro who let out a sigh of relief.

'Oh you have no idea.'

Gan Ning casually walked up to the scene. 'Great, now we have two annoying brats.'

'This is a different World.' Kotaro stated unenthusiastically.

'Way to go Captain Obvious,' Kunoichi giggled making the boys realise her, Nene and Terminator were sitting on the roof behind them.

There was suddenly a whole lot of laughs. Kunoichi and Nene leaped off the roof to join the boys, followed by Terminator. out of the blue, a whole lot of Orochi's ugly soldiers came charging towards the group who reached for their weapons. Gan Ning and Magoichi realised they didn't have their weapons and ran inside to get them.

When they ran back outside with their weapons, they saw the ninjas standing there looking shocked as Orochi's ugly followers who were break dancing, poorly. Gan Ning, Magoichi, Hanzo, Kunoichi, Nene and Kotaro began vomiting at the sight of the bad break dancers.

Seeing this, Orochi's army began charging at them weapons raised. Kunoichi struggled to talk but managed to in the end.

'Kill them,' Kunoichi ordered the Terminator who then nodded then raised his riffle and aimed it at Orochi's ugly army.

Orochi's ugly army saw Terminator and stopped dead in their tracks looking shocked.

' Hasta la vista, baby.' Terminator said before opening fire at Orochi's ugly army. After a whole lot of girly screams, Orochi's ugly army were dead.

'Hooray!' They all screamed hugging each other, the boys realised they were hugging everyone then stopped leaving the girls to do all the hugging.

Behind the Terminator stood Gyuki, a large hoar. Terminator got his rifle and shot the hoar behind him. Gyuki's arm went flying but he didn't die, he did chuck a tantrum before running away crying though.

'Well done!' Gan Ning yelled out proudly. 'Sure did tell those basteds didn't we. Let's all have a drink.'

With that, everyone cheered and ran inside. Magoichi looked at Kunoichi though.

'Nah,' Magoichi said not caring how old Kunoichi was.

It wasn't long before people started getting drunk. Gan Ning and Magoichi started singing their heads off, awfully.

'Tell me what you can hear! And then tell me what you see! Everybody has a different way to view the world!' It of course was the song Different World, by Iron Maiden. Everyone joined in.


	4. The Punch Up!

Chapter Four: The Punch Up!

Everyone was hammered, Gan Ning got up, well at least he tried to get up but he kept on falling back down again. In the end he just gave up and stayed down and started playing with one of his bells.

Kunoichi was asleep and hugging Hanzo who was paralysed with fear. Nene was having fun pulling Kotaro's hair, Kotaro was mouthing off words about Nene. Magoichi was asleep hanging upside down from the ceiling thanks to Gan Ning. Terminator was standing in the middle of the room doing nothing.

It took half a day for everyone to get over the hangover and to take Magoichi down from the ceiling because apparently Gan Ning had nailed his feet to the ceiling.

By evening they were still cleaning up after the party, Magoichi was supposed to be sweeping but instead was dancing with the broom.

Unexpectedly, Masamune Date irately entered the room. He had a tampon shoved up both nostrils which made both Gan Ning and Magoichi roar with laughter. The laughter stopped when sun Shang Xiang entered the room after Masamune, she was also fuming.

'Whoa,' Magoichi said looking surprised. 'What happened to you two?'

'I'll tell you what happened!' Shang Xiang snapped, she pointed at Masamune. 'This little Munchkin here stole two of my tampons and now I'm out, and I really, really need one!'

'_Because_,' Masamune added. 'This psycho, loony, quacking idiot mistook _me _for an evil Leprechaun and punched me in the nose, so I needed _something_ to stop the bleeding didn't I?'

'Naughty children, you _must_ stop fighting,' Nene warned.

'Here you can borrow one of mine Shang Xiang,' Kunoichi said cheerily handing Shang Xiang a tampon. Gan Ning stood back with his hands in the air and said _'ewe'_.

'Thanks Kunoichi,' Shang Xiang smiled as she ran off with the tampon.

'What does she want with a bullet?' Terminator asked. Everyone just walked away smirking.

During a game of duck, duck goose, Zhou Tai wandered up looking sad, angry and scared.

'Hey mate,' Gan Ning said patting the ground next to him. Zhou Tai miserably sat down next to Gan Ning and Magoichi. 'What's up?'

Zhou Tai sighed. 'Bloody Harry Potter.'

'What about him?' Shang Xiang asked.

'He tried to give me love potion.'

Everyone laughed. Duck, duck goose finally got boring, ninjas won, or when there was no ninjas, Gan Ning won. They decided to play Twister, though Masamune really wanted to play Battle Ships.

Yukimura skipped up to the group while they were trying to untangle Kotaro and Hanzo who were twisted around each other and were stuck. That was obviously the end of Twister. Yukimura was drunk and tried to kiss Shang Xiang who slapped him.

The slapping went on for five minutes Nene were trying to break it up while everyone else were laughing. Kotaro and Hanzo were trying to get everyone to go back to helping them get untangled and hopped over to do so.

It started to get out of hand where some wanted to break up the slap fight and others didn't allow it. There were a lot of _'don't touch me!'_ when soon everyone was slapping each other. Kotaro and Hanzo who were still tangled up were head budding each other, because they didn't know whose hands were whose.

The slapping turned into a huge punch up, ball kicking and nipple crippling. The only ones who weren't fighting were Nene who was instead trying to break it up but in the end got knocked out by Gan Ning who was the roughest one out of the lot. Terminator was also not fighting but instead was having a good time continuing to play Twister on his own.

Overall, everyone learned that Masamune was the best bitch slapper.


	5. What's Occurring?

Chapter Five: What's occurring?

It was night time and Zhou Tai was walking around with Masamune, they were supposed to be on guard duty. Earlier that day, Magoichi had discovered a pool in the town while they were fixing up the place. He made a mistake of telling Kunoichi about the pool (Kunoichi's lifelong wish was to become a pool cleaner) and Kunoichi has been cleaning it for the whole day.

Zhou Tai and Masamune decided to go see if Kunoichi was still cleaning the pool. When they arrived there, they were amazed at how clean the once swamp looking pool was. It was crystal clear. But where was Kunoichi?

'Maybe she's finally finished,' Masamune whispered. They were both so tempted to go swimming in the pool, but they didn't know what Kunoichi would be like if she caught them, plus they were all muddy and sweaty.

'I don't think she'd leave the pool,' Zhou Tai said keeping his straight face.

Unexpectedly Kunoichi was on the roof in a diving position, but the thing was, she was naked. Zhou Tai and Masamune widened their eyes. Zhou Tai pretended he couldn't see Kunoichi, Masamune wanted to but was too focused. Kunoichi dived into the pool doing flips on the way.

'Like to see you try that,' Masamune whispered to Zhou Tai while chuckling.

'And you,' Zhou Tai smirked but still keeping his straight face. 'Minus the nakedness.'

'Oh yeah same with you, I just meant all the flips.'

Kunoichi happily hopped out of the pool not caring she was naked. When she saw the boys a huge smile spread across her face as she waved at them and jumped up and down. Zhou Tai and Masamune scratched their heads and looked in opposite directions. When they glanced back, Kunoichi was right in front of them, making them both jump really high. Kunoichi copied.

'What's occurring?' Kunoichi smiled. 'You should come into my dazzling, sparkling pool, doesn't matter if you're all muddy and sweaty. I am a pool cleaner after all.' There was an awkward silence as Kunoichi stood there smiling waiting for an answer while Zhou Tai and Masamune tried to avoid looking at her.

Finally, Masamune couldn't take it anymore. 'Good gracious woman, go and put some clothes on at once!'

Kunoichi looked taken aback. 'Why? Have you never heard of _skinny dipping_?'

'Yes, and it's revolting, now go put some clothes on before I _smack_ you!'

'Please don't _smack _me,' Kunoichi said giving Masamune evils.

'Then go change.'

'You won't be allowed in my pool,' Kunoichi warned.

'I don't care,' Masamune angrily.

'You're a little brat.'

'Shut up,' Masamune alleged folding his arms. There was another awkward silence as Kunoichi and Masamune had an evils competition. Finally, the silence was broken as Zhou Tai _struggled _to keep a straight face from smirking. He really found this argument between Kunoichi and Masamune amusing.

Unexpectedly, Gan Ning, Magoichi, Hanzo, Nene, Kotaro, Shang Xiang, Yukimura and Terminator walked up to the scene together. They all said, 'What's occurring,' in unison. Kunoichi caught their attention. They all shrugged and jumped into the pool, Gan Ning did a bomb dive and the ninjas did a flip or two.

Zhou Tai and Masamune looked confused but somehow ended up in the pool as well, oh yeah, Gan Ning and Magoichi threw or pushed them in.

Yukimura sat up on the side of the pool and got everyone's attention. 'Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, on my little search I saw some robots and serpent army heading this way, probably to attack us. But it's no big deal, probably still a few hours, guessing two before they get here.'

Everyone nodded and went back to swimming and playing, Yukimura dived back in to join the fun again.

But it was true, Robots and Orochi's serpent army were heading towards them to attack. An evil sucker called Kiyomori Taira had somehow managed to swipe some Terminators over from the dark side to the dark side, to help him revive Orochi. The dirty basted.


	6. Who's Watching Us?

Chapter Six: Who's watching us?

It was the middle of the day. Kunoichi was happily cleaning her pool (as usual). Gan Ning and Magoichi were having a fight with water pistols. Hanzo and Kotaro were preparing water bombs. Nene and Shang Xiang were sitting by the pool relaxing. Yukimura and Zhou Tai were having a drinking competition in the so called bar (Zhou Tai was winning). Masamune was trampolining. Terminator was playing a lonely game of twister.

None of them were aware of the mysterious boy who was watching them the whole time and thinking what a bunch of idiots. But he saw their talent in the few battles they fought and believed they might be able to help him, might. However, he was a bit put off when he saw Kunoichi's skinny dipping production, and discovered what nightmares are like.

This boy was curious about these idiotic humans. They knew there was a powerful army coming to wipe them out, yet they simply continued to act like blissful monkeys. Actually, that was the best way to describe them, blissful monkeys.

'His head smashed in and his heart cut out,' was Kunoichi cleaning the pool as she sang to a song that was for some reason in her head, Brave Sir Robin. 'And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged And his nostrils raped and his bottom burnt off and his pen...'

'Well that's enough music for now Kuns,' Shang Xiang said looking worried.

'Yes, that has gone far enough thanks,' Nene agreed. Kunoichi shrugged and continued cleaning her already cleaned pool.

Masamune finally thought about what Yukimura had said about the robots and serpent army coming for them. He realised if it were true they would have to do something, but he just couldn't seem to remember what. He decided to call everyone to a United Boofheads meeting (that's the group name they came up with). To do so, he decided to make the meeting at the pool so they wouldn't have to _try_ and drag Kunoichi away from her beloved pool.

'So,' Began Masamune. 'Yukimura, is it really true that an army of robots and serpents are coming towards us to attack?' Unfortunately, Yukimura was drunk from the drinking competition with Zhou Tai who wasn't drunk. This made things difficult.

'I don't know,' Yukimura shrugged while trying to figure out how to pick his nose. 'I just thought we had something going on is all.'

'What?' Masamune asked looking confused.

'Oh you know, Zhen Ji is anorexic.'

'What the heck are you talking about?' Masamune said folding his arms crossly (because that's normally how you fold your arms). 'Do not try to wriggle yourself out of this conversation.'

'I think you should wax your hairy legs,' the drunken Yukimura stated bravely. Everyone else is silently cracking up laughing.

'Shut up you idiot!' Masamune yelled frustrated. 'That's it! I will not stand for this!' Masamune was about to punch Yukimura who was playing with his belt, but decided at the last second to instead storm off angrily and stomp his feet. No one took notice and continued to laugh before having a pool party.

After sulking for five minutes in his room, Masamune couldn't keep it up and went out to join the pool party, everyone was glad to see him.

The young boy merely watched the fun in wonder, until shrieking at the sight of Kunoichi stripping again. He hid for cover and swallowed his vomit. Then noticed to serpent scouts running away, either scared of Kunoichi's nudeness as well or have finished scouting, could be either, maybe both.

After the party everyone decided to go to bed, apart from Kunoichi who needed to clean her pool, especially after the drunken Yukimura urinated in it which is what ended the party and gave everyone no choice but to go to bed.

'When danger reared its ugly head! He bravely turned his tail and fled!' Sang Kunoichi as she cleaned her pool (she now had he clothes on again, thank goodness). The boy peered up from behind the hedge fearing an awful sight, and gave out a huge sigh of relief when seeing she had her clothes on. The sigh however was rather loud, loud enough for Kunoichi to hear over her awful ear splitting singing.

The boy ducked down as Kunoichi looked around for whoever just had a sigh of relief. He turned his head to the left to find Kunoichi smiling scarily at him.

'Wow, you're cute,' Kunoichi said loudly. 'Who are you?'

The boy got up proudly. 'How very polite of you. My name is Taigong Wang, and I am here seeking Da Ji.' (In case you don't know, Taigong Wang is a guy who goes 'hehe' in almost every sentence.'

'Oh really?' Kunoichi said winking at the poor boy. 'What, is she a runaway bride? Or you wish to just make, never mind.'

'I do not like her,' Taigong Wang said as if Kunoichi said he was to marry Jabba the Hut. 'I am here to capture her so I can bring her back to the mystic realm to face her punishment for setting Orochi free.'

'Oh! That Da Ji, sorry. You mean the one who is so busy she never gets time to put on her pants.'

'Yeah that's the one,' Taigong Wang nodded. 'Anyway, I have been watching you all. I think I might need your help to capture her.'

'Who?'

'Da Ji!'

'Oh yeah her, sorry,' Kunoichi looked down in shame.

'Don't be sorry.' Taigong Wang said smugly. 'Just don't do it again.'

Kunoichi introduced Taigong Wang to everyone else. Magoichi gave him a noogie. Masamune bitch slapped him arrogantly and with a constipated expression on his face. Shang Xiang grabbed his bum and hoped Liu Bei didn't see. Gan Ning gave him a bottle of rum and told him to live it up. Hanzo told him a story about shadows. Terminator begged him to play twister. Kotaro told him to gather the wind, though the wind won't help you fly at all, your back's to the wall. Nene told him to be a good boy or he won't get a cookie. Zhou Tai growled at him like a dog. Yukimura threw a water bomb at him then rolled around on the ground laughing. After this, Taigong Wang needed a new pair of underwear.

Masamune strolled up to Taigong Wang while he was talking to everyone else while drinking rum. 'Don't think I'm not onto you though buddy boy. We will help you, but I know you merely see us as pawns.'

'What?' Kunoichi said before drinking out of her bottle of rum. 'Ok, first things first. We do not have like eight legs, we have two. Second things second, we are not orange. Third things third, we don't have big round black eyes'-

'Not prawns, pawns, you idiot.' Masamune said as though Kunoichi was stupid.

'Oh,' Kunoichi said accepting the point. 'Well, I was gonna say, prawns. I get it, pawns, like in chess. ah, but I wanted to be the queen. Actually to tell you the truth, I wanted to be the horsey, so I can jump.'

'You mystic see us as pawns?' Gan Ning asked disappointedly. 'Well that sucks, we think of you oh great mystic realm and see power.

'Yeah,' Kunoichi smiled. 'They think of Earth and see a great big chess set, haha!'

'Hehe,' Taigong Wang laughed. 'you humans do greatly amuse me.'

'How's that,' Magoichi grinned. 'We should become the universes comedians.'

'Yes but for now we should start to plan the battle against Kiyomori, before it's too late.' Taigong Wang stated.

'Ah yes,' Masamune smiled as he got up. 'I knew there was something we should do. I knew it!'


	7. Planning The Battle, Supposedly

Chapter Seven: Planning The Battle, supposedly.

No one wanted to work with Taigong Wang until they knew him well enough, so they had a party. Taigong Wang did a superb job at pretending he was interested in everything.

Yukimura was on stage doing an outstanding job of singing 'Am I ever gonna see your face again' by The Angels. Everyone was enjoying it and shouted back 'No way get f*cked f*ck off!' He was a great singer but was spitting like James Hetfield, only he couldn't seem to pull it off. Spit was flying everywhere and people started yelling, complaining and booing. Gan Ning threw a beer can at Yukimura's head making him fall off the stage.

'I am drunk, drunk is me!' Gan Ning sang proud of his success with the beer can knocking Yukimura off the stage. Kunoichi then started singing the Banana Splits theme song and everyone started eating bananas until they vomited.

Meanwhile, the next morning, Taigong Wang woke up to find himself still in a headlock from Gan Ning who was still asleep. The ninjas were lying on the roof upside-down. Magoichi was asleep with his head in the punch bowl. Masamune was asleep and for some reason wearing a tutu. Shang Xiang was up and almost finished cleaning up after the party. Zhou Tai was still drinking alcohol. Terminator was preparing water bombs ready for those who would not get up soon.

After a massive water bomb and water pistols fight started by Terminator, they played Brandy (A game where you get a tennis ball, wet it then peg it at someone, so much fun except for when you get hit).

'Ouch!' Masamune yelled after Gan Ning bolted the wet tennis ball at him. 'That bloody well hurt, you idiot!'

'Oh,' Gan Ning chuckled. 'And it didn't hurt when you pegged it at me!?'

'Behave children,' Nene warned with her hands on hips.

'There's no need to throw it that hard!' Masamune moped.

'err, yes there is,' Magoichi nodded. 'That's the idea of Brandy.'

'But it's painful!' Masamune said as he stomped his foot on the ground.

'Aww,' Gan Ning said racing into the pool area and getting pool water then putting it on his face and pretending to cry. 'The poor little booboo.' Everyone roared with laughter (apart from Masamune).

Masamune chucked a tantrum and ran off to his room while crying like a baby. Everyone else was still roaring with laughter until freezing with shock then looking down.

'Oh no,' Shang Xiang whispered slightly smirking. Everyone looked at each other nervously. They had all wet their pants from laughing.

After calming Masamune down by telling him they had all wet their pants and saying, 'see you cry like a baby and we wet our pants like a baby, so we're all babies here.' So they decided it was time to finally plan the battle, _oh yeah_.

They all had an ice-cream to help them stay happy during the planning.

'So,' Taigong Wang said putting his pink whiteboard marker down. 'Kotaro and Nene will go forward and attack them from behind. Gan Ning and Magoichi will attack them from the left. Hanzo and Kunoichi will attack them from the right. Yukimura and I will attack them from the front. Masamune and Shang Xiang with parachute down on top of them and attack them. Zhou Tai and Terminator will dig a tunnel and attack them from underneath. So we attack from all angels, apart from diagonal and stuff. So, yeah.'

'I think it's brilliant,' Shang Xiang announced. 'I've always wanted to parachute.'

'Same,' Masamune smiled.

'I'm so jealous,' Kunoichi said folding her arms.

'Well we can't have everything now can we Kunoichi?' Nene said. Kunoichi nodded ashamed of herself.

'Right,' Taigong Wang said clapping his hands together. 'Let's go have fun preparing for battle!'

'YEAH!' Everyone yelled cheerily. Magoichi did a little dance out of excitement as everyone excitedly left the room to go and have some fun preparing for battle.


	8. The Battle

Chapter 8: The Battle

Everyone was in the right place. Orochi's army were penguin walking towards their camp. Taigong Wang handed out Walkie Talkies to the leader of each group to communicate. Gan Ning and Magoichi who were to attack from the left were so exciting they started doing the toilet dance.

Finally, it was time to go. Taigong Wang yelled into his Walkie Talky. 'All units go, go, go!' Nothing happened.

'I think you need to press the button while you speak,' Yukimura guessed.

'Oh yeah,' Taigong Wang said going red in the face. He held down the button and again yelled. 'All units, go, go, go!'

Kotaro and Nene raced towards the enemy from behind while spreading their arms out like an aeroplane. Gan Ning and Magoichi raced towards the enemy from the left like Doctor Zoidberg. Hanzo and Kunoichi flipped towards the enemy really fast. Yukimura and Taigong raced towards the enemy like snails. Masamune and Shang Xiang parachuted down on top of the enemy, however, Masamune landed in a tree. Zhou Tai and Terminator popped up out of the ground like daisy's. It was a successful surprise attack.

They fought the enemy, killing one by one. Gan Ning made a huge pile of bodies he was proud of and laughed about it 'Muahahahaha.'

Shang Xiang, Nene and Kunoichi were working as a team. A few enemy soldiers gathered up in a straight line and slid across the ground, pointing their spears at the girls and made a tough 'ya' noise in unison. They were like idiots, well if the boot fits. That was one problem too, Zhou Tai's feet suddenly got bigger and they wouldn't fit into his boots so he had to fight barefoot. He hoped no one would shoot at glass so he would have to walk on it like on the first Die Hard movie. Thankfully, there was no glass in sight.

Kunoichi was struggling a little, ok a lot. The enemy was teasing her, slapping her to the point that she started crying. Finally she'd had enough and started singing. 'Stop right now! Thank you very much. I need somebody who won't steal my lunch. Hey you, over on the right, that's my hotdog you better run.'

The serpent ugly soldier with Kunoichi's hotdog had a look of fear in his eyes as Kunoichi stared him down. He dropped the hotdog and ran for it, straight into Terminator who broke him in half. Kunoichi quickly ate her hotdog and continued to fight.

Taigong and Yukimura were fighting together. Taigong stopped when he realised there were no sign of robots. Yukimura noticed this too. Suddenly they both looked up onto the hill to see Terminator robot things walking towards them in a line. Taigong looked at Yukimura as if to say 'Oh crap!' but also because he heard Yukimura fart and poo his pants, obviously from fear.

The others all noticed it too and fell back towards Taigong and Yukimura.

'Who cares!' Taigong yelled.

'Me!' Masamune yelled fearfully.

'Shut up!' Taigong yelled.

'Sorry.'

'We fight, and we fight with honour, when we win! We go back and party and get pissed!'

'YEAH!' Everyone yelled together.

'CHARGE!'

Everyone raced off towards the Terminator army like a bunch of hooligans. They stopped dead in their tracks when they saw the advanced weapons held by the Terminators. The Terminators started shooting madly at them. It was so awful they had to retreat.

'Runaway!' Taigong ordered. No one hesitated to run for it. Amazingly, they didn't care they ran through several spiders webs on the way back to camp. They just wanted to get out of there. It was the worst day of their life, ever.


	9. Rethinking The Strategy, And A New Welco

Chapter Nine: Rethinking The Strategy, And A New Welcoming

Da Ji and Himiko sat at a table at the rock cafe. The lady they met earlier strolled up to them. This lady was Sara Conner, except she had become a pet detective, inspired by the move Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.

'well, well, well,' Da Ji smiled as Sarah Connor approached them. 'What do we have here? Pet detective.'

'Shut up,' Sarah Conner warned. 'Or I'll kick you up the bum so hard, you'll become a flying fox.'

'Was that a threat?' Da Ji asked pretending to be scared. 'Oh I do love it when humans try to scare me with such useless warnings.'

'How did you get those terminators onto your side?' Sarah Connor asked with a bit of fear in her voice.

'Oh, are you scared? So cute. I think that's enough chat for now. I think there's a turtle stuck inside the toilet that needs rescuing, why don't you spring to his aid.'

Sarah Connor scowled at Da Ji. 'It'll be you who needs rescuing from inside the toilet soon.'

*

Taigong Wang and his army were still recovering from the battle that went pear shaped earlier. It's a good thing that the Terminators were walking to their camp at a funeral pace. In fact they were going to a funeral on the way to attacking their camp. This gave Taigong Wang some time to rethink his strategy with help from Masamune Date, the smarty pants. Masamune had also made it into the Guinness World book of records for the best bitch slapper ever.

'I could try to take control of the Terminators,' Taigong said after taking his lollipop out of his mouth. 'But it'll take a while, I'll need you all to distract them without getting killed.'

'Well,' Masamune said reaching for his third lollipop. 'It's worth a try I guess. The ninjas will be great at being here then there then everywhere. And the rest can hide and attack them by surprise.'

'Kill them one at a time,' Taigong said before being rudely interrupted by Magoichi Saika.

'I could lure them in,' Magoichi said shrugging. 'I'm good at that.'

'I know,' Masamune said remembering being defeated by Magoichi thanks to him with his luring talent. 'And it could work.'

'And in the meantime, while this is going on. One of us could call for reinforcements.' Taigong smiled.

'Yeah,' Masamune smiled stupidly. 'Yukimura is a champ for that, I think. He could do it.'

'As long as he brings back some fairy floss.' Magoichi announced. 'Lady's love fairy floss.'

'Or at least you do?' Masamune asked raising one eyebrow after a few goes.

'Then it's settled,' Taigong sighed with relief. 'And the good news is we don't have to tell the others about the plan. They were stickybeaking the whole time.'

'Good,' Masamune said. 'So, everyone got that?'

Everyone else's head popped up from outside the windows and any other hiding place you could think of. Gan Ning went to all the trouble of hiding in the chimney to listen, what a complete and utter wally. 'Yeah,' Everyone said like little kids in school do when they say _'good morning Mrs. Such And Such.'_ Where it takes them like a year to say.

'Ok,' Taigong said clapping his hands together making everyone copy and start cheering. He continued to speak when they realised they should stop. 'Get to work, do all you can to ensure a victory against the robots. Remember what I said? When we win, we party and get pissed? I mean it, we will party like it's 1969! Even though I don't know what it was like to party in 1969, but you get the idea.'

Just as Yukimura was about to set off to find reinforcements on his horse, a lady walked up to them by taking leap like steps.

Kunoichi got all excited to see the lady. 'Oh my god! It's Sarah Connor! She's awesome!' Kunoichi practically squeezed Sarah Connor to death when she hugged her. With Sarah Connor (Who also had an awesome looking machine gun) was a whole army of tough British SAS guys who agreed to help her defeat the Terminators because they had nothing better to do. Taigong and the others looked happy.

'We hear you are going to fight the Terminators,' A guy said reading it slowly off a sheet. 'So we are here to-'

'Help you,' Sarah Connor finished. 'We are here to help you, but we are leaving straight after.'

'Cool,' Masamune said unenthusiastically.

'Well that's my job done then,' Yukimura said walking off to his room, more like strutting.

'I thank you for your aid,' Taigong said smiling from letting out gas.

'No,' Sarah Connor said shaking her head. 'Don't be a kiss arse.'

'Sorry.'

'No that's fine,' Sarah Connor reassured. 'Just at least not as much of a kiss arse is what I'm asking for.'

'OK.'

Everyone started preparing for the battle against the Terminators who were just starting the funeral.


	10. The Big, Scary and Girly Man!

The Big, Scary and Girly Man!

The dumb funeral had finally started. The Terminators couldn't drink any of the tea, so they just threw it at each other. It was time, they threw the pop singer (no name sorry, just think of a pop singer you really hate and imagine it's them) into the grave then cheered. They started boogying and singing about how happy they were that they were dead, well they killed whoever.

'Do you dig graves?' T-X asked T-1000.

'Yeah, yeah, they're alright, yeah.' T-1000 replied. He/it then held up a photo to her/it and asked, 'Have you seen this boy?'

'Ahhhhhhhhh!' T-X screamed turning into Wayne Campbell and running to a car and driving of as fast as it can. T-1000 walks a few steps after it.

*

Taigong Wang and the others were planning their next strategy with Sarah Connor. Masamune didn't get his way with an idea of his so he ran off to his room screaming like a little brat, which he was.

Kunoichi was getting bored, 'Well, I can see you don't need me, so I'm gonna go and clean my pool.'

'No,' Taigong Wang said, stomping his foot down on the ground like a girl. 'You've just cleaned it, you wally.'

'Hey! If it wasn't for me, we'd have no pool party's! I work my arse off to keep that pool clean, it looked like a swamp! In fact it looked a bit like sake!'

'Ooh yummy,' Gan Ning smiled dreamily. 'Can you make the pool water out of sake? Please?'

'That's it, you are grounded!' Taigong yelled at Kunoichi, 'go to your room!'

'You're not my daddy, I mean mummy!' Kunoichi said sarcastically.

'You go clean that pool! Wait I mean, Argh!'

Like a flash, Kunoichi ran off to clean her pool.

When she got there, Magoichi and Zhou Tai were there along with Kotaro and Hanzo who were meditating. Kunoichi's pool had turned into a swamp again, it was yucky, and the colour of sake!

Kunoichi was furious and took it out on these four in Shrek's voice, 'What are you doing in my swamp!'

Kunoichi shooed them with a towel and started cleaning her pool. Nene came up to try and cheer he up.

'Hey,' Nene smiled. 'How you going, heard you got a cool laptop thingy.'

'Uhuh,' Kunoichi burped. 'And I now have a facebook, I joined that group called 'I want to flick the ShamWow guy with his own ShamWow!!! Hahaha'

'Sounds lush,' Nene grinned. 'You know, Taigong is having a hard time, we're in a war, wars are dangerous'-

'I know, I just found out you can actually get killed in wars!'

'Yeah... and he wants to keep everyone alive, so that's why he's being'-

'A dork?'

'precisely,' Nene shrugged. 'But anyway, do you want to just chill out and give the guy a break?'

'Yeah alright!' Kunoichi said like a five year old. 'I'll chill out and give the dorky poof a break.'

'Cracking,' Nene laughed.

Kunoichi started singing again, 'He was selling postcards from a paper stand, a whiskey bottle in his withered hand, he put a finger on a photo from an old magazine, and saw himself in the shadow of his dream, They found him with his head inside a tin-pot crown told him his feet stank and took him downtown called him agitator, spy and thief shut him up in solitary third degree.'

Nene joined in with Kunoichi, 'Take a long line, take a long line, take a long line, reel him in.'

Kunoichi and Nene went back to join Taigong Wang and the others to apologise, which Kunoichi needed look up in the dictionary to understand. When they got there, Taigong and the others were just singing Saturday night by Cold Chisel.

After the apology, they partied. Magoichi danced with Sarah Connor (big world news). No one noticed the Terminators watching from the bushed, with them was Kiyomori Taira, the evil sucker. And also there was a man with big girly plats. Oh... My... God...

You have to guess who the man with the big girly plats are. please review :)


	11. Dun Dun Dunnnn

Dun Dun Dunnnn!

Lu Bu turned out to be the man with big girly plats. He was sitting on Kiyomori's lap for some unknown reason. A snake ran up the steps but tripped over the last one. He got back up and said.

'My lord zzzzzz. They now have a hangover. I like that movie, do you?"

'Humph!' Lu Bu spat everywhere, 'I have no time to waste with filthy maggots!"

'I hate maggots,' Kiyomori announced, 'they are like, so totally disgusting.'

'Can I continue?' Lu Bu asked angrily getting up off his lap. 'Get rid of them maggots! And bring me back a Happy Meal on the way back!'

The Terminators terminated most of Sarah Connors men, and did the robot after each termination. The snakes killed whilst they walked like Egyptians.

Zhou Tai was the best one so far, he ran and sliced the enemy in half, then half again, 'Die.'

Kotaro farted really loudly and killed five snakes. He then lit a match (like Charlie) and blew up 2 Terminators.

Taigong Wang threw fish at the enemy and scared them to death, literally.

Kunoichi and Nene drowned several snakes in the pool/swamp.

Gan Ning was sulking because he got a little cut on his arm. Just as a Terminator and snake was about to terminate Gan Ning, Ling Tong appeared out of thin air (amazingly) and killed them both. He then got out a bandaid and put it on Gan Ning's arm and wiped his tears away.

"You need my help again?"

"Thanks mate, much appreciated."

"Hey, I just followed the bells."

"They're supposed to scare you away! Bustard!"

Hanzo was the unluckiest, Darth Moore appeared out of nowhere followed by Darth Vader and Dark Helmet.

'Disappear.'

'Good is dumb.'

Hanzo sliced Darth Moore's legs off. Then he had a brutal punch up with Darth Vader which drew a crowed who gathered around shouting _'fight, fight, fight, fight!' _Luckily, Hanzo won.

Hanzo then turned to Dark Helmet, who screamed and ran away. Unfortunately, when he tried to run between two trees, his big helmet got stuck.

Soon the United Boofheads won, yet again, but they refused any autographs. Masamune and Shang Xiang kissed, then Masamune vomited.

Da Ji, Sun Wukong, Himiko, Lu Bu, Cheech and Chong, Kiyomori, Sideshow Bob and Nacho Libre all stood in hiding smiling stupidly at the Boofheads who were now singing the Eye of the Tiger.

Lu Bu was playing with his Happy Meal toy.


	12. The invitation and the start of a gross

Chapter 12: The invitation and the start of a gross love

Zhou Tai thought highly of Masamune Date. He was only three months old and already an arse kicker and kisser.

'Why do you never talk?' Masamune asked.

'Hmph.' Zhou Tai answered, really thinking _'why don't YOU ever shut up.'_

'Never mind, I guess it's ok to be a little shy. I guess.'

Unfortunately, for Zhou Tai, Kunoichi had a crush on him and Gan Ning. She was into ex pirate now. Kunoichi ran up to Zhou Tai with some boos and gave him one. Zhou Tai thought it was very unexpected but could never ever refuse boos. She gave Magoichi one to as he walked up, he too could never refuse boos or boobs.

Kunoichi spent her day stalking a little scared Zhou Tai. Small girls can be as frightening as almost 7 foot tall men. Whenever he looked back to see if she was still following him, she'd quickly run and jump into a push (he looked back just in time to see this each time). She even got attacked by Da Qiao's cat in one bush. But this was Kunoichi, a determined, positive, annoying, gross, girly, cheery, boy mad girl. This is what's scary.

While hiding in a bush, Zhou Tai walked up to it and pulled her out. Kunoichi quickly hugged him where she came up to. The poor man was almost crying. She was scarier that protecting Sun Quan from bandits and getting injured.

'I just want you to know that I love you Zhou Tai,' Kunoichi said looking up at him with binoculars. 'You mean so much to me and I want to make you happy.'

Zhou Tai nodded politely, although his thoughts were not polite. He gently grabbed her arms and removed them from around him. He then walked off to find Hanzo for help.

Kunoichi shrugged and went off to find Gan Ning. He was lying down on a Jetty of a beach that randomly appeared a few days earlier. He was half asleep when he felt something curl up next to him. When he looked and saw it was Kunoichi he blurted out.

'Oh no!'

Ling Tong was sitting in a nearby tree with popcorn laughing his arse of at the sight.

Da Ji and Sun Wukong smiled at Taigong Wang.

'We thought we should just put all this behind us and all get along,' Da Ji announced. 'So we've decided to throw a party baby, it'll be wild!'

'Woo! I'm there,' Said Keiji as he entered the room (hitting his head on the roof on the way in).

Taigong Wang had his doubts and went into detail of what could go wrong so Masamune started calling him Taigong whinge. Everyone else were party animals and agreed to go to the party tomorrow.

'Good,' Sun Wukong smiled. 'We'll see you there.'

As Da Ji and Wukong left, Wukong signalled Shang Xiang to call him.

Kunoichi threatened to scream if Gan Ning did not dance with her. She said she wanted to boogie woogie. So they started doing Zumba together. Zhou Tai, who Kunoichi had tied to a Totem pole that she hired from a black super predator for half price!

Meanwhile, Taigong Wang was trying to find the perfect dress for the partay, he struggled between a green one and a pink one. They were both just like totally gorgeous, like _totally_.

The party was gonna be good at the start the United Boofheads, and good at the End for the evil suckers. There is a good reason why, but I haven't thought of it yet.


End file.
